so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I look better un-naked...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize