sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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