Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
