Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
