I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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