I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize