oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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