now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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