is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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