your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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