hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
