She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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