I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I won the penis lottery.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
