you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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