Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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