Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
