ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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