then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she peed on how many people?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
