he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
