Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
