mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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