Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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