Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I understand Curling. That high.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
