Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
