he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
