You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
