Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize