I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
