Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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