those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
