i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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