Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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