I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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