I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
