You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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