How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
