there's paper in my vomit.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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