You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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