You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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