This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
