Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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