are you still at the devil's house?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
