Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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