bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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