PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
