you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
