he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize