She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
