I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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