1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
