so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
