Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
