she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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