If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
