my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
