just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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