His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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