You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
