Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
