i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
