So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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