All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
