In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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