You smell like stripper and shame
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
