FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
