I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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