I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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