I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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