I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
